Please note that what follows is subjective advice, and is to be taken as a simple guide if you are concerned about someone you know. We have arranged this article as a Q&A in order to make it easy for you to find the right information for your circumstance.

How to help if I think it’s an emergency?

If you think that someone is in danger are harming themselves right now, or may have harmed themselves, then the right course of action is to treat this as you would any emergency and call the emergency services on 999, asking for an ambulance.

I know this is hard to think about, but if you find yourself in the situation where you are talking to someone who is suicidal, there are a number of things you can do to help.

Firstly, make that connection. They are probably feeling lost, rejected and alone. So, reach out in any way you can. Let them understand in their own time that they aren’t alone, that you are there with them.

Secondly, it is also likely that they are feeling cut off from the world. Do your best to bring them back to the present by asking simple, everyday questions about factual things, rather than emotions. If they want to speak, let them speak.

I have a friend who is having suicidal thoughts; what should I do?

If someone you know is in immediate danger of harming themselves, then follow the previous advice and call 999.

It may be that they are expressing thoughts about suicide but are not in immediate danger to themselves. It may be that they are ‘exploring’ the idea, and part of this is to see what it is like to express these thoughts.

The best thing that you can do is simply know that you are there, and that you care. Listening is a vital part of this. Try not to impose your thoughts or opinions too much, unless you have had specialist training in this area. Instead, listen to them, and let them know they are being listened to. There is a difference between ‘hearing’ and ‘listening’. The former is passive, and correlates to, for instance, having a podcast on in the background. Listening, however, is active. You are thinking about what is being said and treating the conversation with empathy and care.

Wingmen of course are here to listen too. If you think that speaking to one of our trained volunteers would be helpful, then keep our phone number close to hand. If we cannot help, we can guide them towards someone who can. By putting your friend in touch with Wingmen, you are doing your bit!

How to help if I think someone I know is not ok?

Again, if someone you know is in immediate danger, then follow the previous advice and call 999.

If, however, the problem is less immediate, then the best thing you can do is to make a connection with them. As humans, we are hard-wired to connect. It is in our DNA. We are social creatures and, even if there are times when it doesn’t seem like it, connection works.

So, the first thing to do is show that you care by checking in. Don’t be despondent if this doesn’t seem like it’s working…be cautiously persistent.

Think of the different ways that you can use to check-in; what would the other person prefer? Is it a visit…or would this feel threatening? Is it a phone call…or would this be pressurising? Is it a text message, or maybe even a card through the post?

Signs that they may not be ok will differ from person to person, but will include things like:

• Changes in temperament or personality
• Being more distant than usual, such as not returning calls
• Not socialising as much as is normal
• Staying indoors
• Over reliance on alcohol or drugs

They may actually voice to you something like feeling trapped, let down, demotivated etc. I understand we can all feel a little like this, but if the situation persists it may be something to think about. Some things that they may voice are:

• Inability to ‘cope’
• Consistently looking at the negative side of things
• Anything that suggests low self-esteem, such as ‘not being good enough’
• Expressing that they no longer see the point in life, or a lacking purpose

Finally, there may be more obvious triggers in their lives that they may not voice, but you can identify as having the potential for a change in mood. These triggers could include:

• The loss of a family member, friend, or even pet
• The breakdown of a relationship
• Financial problems
• Stress-related to work or domestic life
• Significant birthdays
• World events, especially if they seem to have had a disproportionate impact

It goes without saying at this point that this is also where Wingmen comes in. Our trained volunteers are on hand to take some of the weight off your shoulders, and some of the sting out of the situation. So, make sure that you have the Wingmen phone number to hand, and are able to pass this on in the most appropriate way that you see fit.

How to help by being be a good listener

Wingmen is a listening service. We aren’t here to offer advice, but are able to signpost to a number of other services. Here is a list of tips about when we think makes a good listener:

• Be present in the moment. Try and stop any other activity; this will help you focus on what is being said
• Be aware of what is not being said. Are there any signs of any hidden or covert communications?
• If you are physically with the other person, maintain an appropriate level of eye contact. Think about your body language, and aim to ensure that you are expressing interest with your non-verbal cues
• Pauses are fine! If the other person takes a few seconds to get their thoughts together, allow them to by not jumping into the conversation
• Finally, try not to impose your own thoughts or interpretations too much, as difficult as this may be. If the person you are with is opening up, then let them explore what it is they want to talk about

Wingmen is a service dedicated to providing a listening post to anyone out there. You can read more of our blogs and stories on our resources page: https://www.wingmen.org.uk/resources/